Alex
He was ready to tell his meddling sister to mind her own business again when something in his chest halted his words. He felt a wash of reluctant realization roll over him as he considered her words. Was he trying to convince himself that he is worthy of her? Was he trying to convince her?
Should real love need convincing?
As always, Morgan had seen into his soul. He had half a mind to be annoyed with his sister, but instead he felt gratitude at her insight, however invasive.
“I…I’m not sure,” he admitted. “You’re right- I shouldn’t need to convince her- or myself- that we are good together. The truth is, we are good together. We get along great, and I am head over heels for her. She makes me better,” he reasoned.
“But…” replied his stupidly astute sister.
“But…I don’t know. I have been so desperate to please and impress her that I’m wearing khakis on a Saturday,” he said with a laugh.
“It does feel extreme,” Morgan said with a laugh. “Look, Alex- I know that we haven’t been close in a few years, and I am biased as your sister, but you are great. No qualifiers- you have a great heart, you are smart, empathetic, and pretty nice to look at,” Morgan said, “…i…if you’re into washed up blonde haired varsity jocks,” she stammered.
“Thanks, sis. You are biased, but you’re not wrong. I am pretty nice to look at,” he smiled, then sighed. “I just don’t think she sees me that way,” he said quietly. “I had hoped that after not seeing each other for a while, and being done with the stress of school, we would be able to…connect. Last night was really awesome…for me, but if I’m honest I don’t even think I made her cum. She said she did, but I…I’m not sure. Maybe I really am just bad in bed. When it was over, she got dressed and went to sleep. We didn’t even snuggle. Fully clothed, like…like siblings. Like you and I were when we fell asleep on the couch playing video games the other night,” he finished.
Hell, he had as much chemistry with his sister as he did with his girlfriend- maybe more, given he was at least able to be himself around his sister. Hearing his own words, and seeing his relationship through his sister’s eyes, he was beginning to see a different perspective. Maybe there just wasn’t a spark between him and Annisa. He shouldn’t have to try this hard to feel good.
Morgan was blushing. In fairness to her, this was kind of the first time they had ever really talked explicitly about sex and relationships.
“Do you want to know what I think?” she finally said.
He nodded, unsure if that reflected his actual answer. His brother had always been ruthlessly honest with him, and he knew that his sister would too- he just wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it.
“I think that you are both tremendous humans, and probably really good friends. I also think that you are absolutely incompatible as partners.”
At his questioning look, she continued, “You said it yourself- last night should have been fireworks, but instead it was like sharing a bed with me. Which I resent, by the way- I am the very definition of fireworks in bed,” she continued. Her face then turned a fascinating shade of red. “I don’t mean…”
“I know what you mean,” Alex said, putting his sister out of her misery. Whenever Morgan spoke passionately about something, she sometimes lost herself in the monologue and said some very random things. “I am sure you are excellent in bed, and can have chemistry with anyone,” he said earnestly. “You have always been better at connecting with people than me.”
“Yes…well, yes,” she stammered, cheeks still flushed. “I have watched the two of you all day. She’s in your head- she has you all unsure, and to be honest it isn’t a good look. You are falling over yourself to be who you think she wants, and she is letting you. I think the two of you need to have an honest conversation with yourselves, and with each other. Are you actually feeling a connection- and a spark- or are you trying to hold onto a moment that has already passed by?”
Alex sighed. “You’re right, little sister. You always are. I would hate it if it wasn’t so damned helpful sometimes,” he said, putting his arm around her and bringing her in for a hug. “Thanks, for the advice, and for understanding me- as always, better than anyone.”
“As always,” she breathed into his chest.
—
“Your parents are great, but your sister is my absolute favourite,” Anissa said as she smoothed out a wrinkle in his shirt collar.
“Don’t tell her that or I will never hear the end of it,” he grimaced good naturedly. She was still fussing with his collar, so he gently grabbed her hands, kissing each of them as he moved them down his chest. “I have a better way to deal with these wrinkles,” he said lowly.
He began unbuttoning his shirt, watching her face intently for any signs of discomfort. His conversation with his sister was still fresh in his mind, but he wasn’t quite ready to end what had started as his dream come true.
Anissa blushed, taking her hands from his chest and tucking her hair behind his ears. She blushed deeper at his brazenness as he removed his shirt, revealing very toned (if he did say so himself) abs and arms. He playfully tossed it at her, making her giggle. She then turned her focus to the shirt, smoothing it out and folding it neatly on the bed.
“My abs are over here,” he joked, feeling his heart sink as he clocked her disengagement.
“Oh, I can see them,” she smiled. “Very nice,” she added, clearly for his benefit. “It’s been a long day- an amazing day,” she qualified, “but I’m still tired from travelling. Is it okay if we go to bed a bit early tonight?” she asked, taking his hands in hers.
He looked down at her, studying her expression. He didn’t see disgust or revulsion, so that was good. He also didn’t see a shred of lust, or anything close to it. If he had to describe her demeanour, he would use the word “meh.”
“Why don’t you want to be with me?” he blurted out.
She stepped back from him, but didn’t let go of his hands.
“Alex, of course I want to be with you- I am with you, I’m right here, silly,” she said with a reassuring smile.
“You know that’s not what I mean,” he said quietly. He grabbed a tshirt out of his closet, suddenly feeling exposed. “I don’t mean sex- well, I do- but not just sex,” he stammered. He took a breath, like his sister would have told him to do. “I just…I feel like you don’t want me. I am trying so hard to be everything you want and need- I am so in love with you Anissa- but I just don’t feel like you feel the same,” he said. He couldn’t look at her.
She sighed, sitting on his bed. She patted the mattress beside her, inviting him to sit. “I am really sorry that you feel that way,” she said genuinely. “I…I do like you,” she continued, “you are a great guy. I always had a crush on you in college,” she said slyly, “ever since we were lab partners in first year.”
He finally looked at her, surprised. “You did? Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.
“Why didn’t you?” she challenged back.
“Touche,” he said. “I wanted to- I tried to. By the time I finally got the nerve, you were already dating what’s his name, and I thought I lost my chance. When you kissed me at that party years later, my whole world stopped,” he said sincerely, holding her hand in his.
“I have never once regretted that kiss,” she said. He could tell in her eyes that she meant it. “You are a great boyfriend, Alex- you are everything that I should want,” she said, sighing.
“But…” he said, as his heart sank.
“But…I think…I think I like girls,” she said quietly- so quietly that Alex didn’t hear her.
“You like what?” he pressed.
“Girls,” she whispered. There were tears in her eyes.
Alex felt a wave of surprise, and then everything clicked. “You…like…girls,” he said, testing the words.
“Yes,” she breathed, the tears starting to fall.
Alex put his arms around her, holding her tight.
“Thank you for telling me,” he said- and he meant it.
She cried in earnest, leaning into his embrace and letting months of pent up emotion spill over. He felt tears in his eyes as well- tears for the end of his relationship, but also for the girl who he had fallen in love with, and how trapped she must have felt. He held them in- this moment was about her.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I had no idea.”
“Neither did I,” she said, finally coming up for air. She laughed. “Honestly, I wasn’t even sure until I just said that- you are the first person I’ve told,” she admitted. “As soon as I said it, I knew that it was true.”
“So you’re saying that I’m not a completely disgusting troll,” he said, laughing at himself to lighten the mood.
“You are far from it,” she laughed. “I meant what I said- you have been an amazing boyfriend, and you are everything that I should want. I am sorry if I have been hard on you, or made you feel like you weren’t enough. The truth is, you are more than enough- the things that you lack aren’t your fault,” she laughed, looking his chest up and down.
“Ah, so you’re a boobs girl,” he joked.
Just like that, lovers became friends. He still felt the sting of unrequited love, and of his dream relationship disintegrating, but he could table that for the time being in favour of being happy for his friend as she explored a new piece of her identity.
He could imagine a time in the future, when the feelings had settled, where they could actually be friends. He found himself looking forward to it as they drifted off to sleep-fully clothed- in his childhood bed.
Morgan
Anissa left the next day, giving Alex some space to ilck his wounds. Morgan drove with them to the airport, both in case they needed a buffer and so that her brother didn’t have to drive home alone.
All things considered, the dynamic wasn’t at all awkward. Morgan could see that Anissa and Alex would eventually find their way to being friends- once Alex had a bit of time to mend his heart.
They all hugged goodbye, Anissa promising to send Morgan a recommendation for a hair mask when she got home. Morgan headed back to the car, leaving her brother a few minutes alone to say goodbye.
Morgan got into the driver’s seat and drove the car to the highway in silence. She gave Alex time to process, and patiently waited for him to speak first. He finally did.
“Well, that sucked,” he said with a laugh to hide the crack in his voice. Morgan glanced over at him, seeing tears threatening.
“Bad news, bro- it’s probably going to suck for a while,” Morgan said brightly. Alex laughed again, which was her exact goal.
“Well, at least I know that I’m not bad in bed…probably. I guess I don’t actually know that, given she is probably revolted by men. This is gonna give me a complex,” he groaned.
“Don’t sweat it,” Morgan reassured him, “it’s summertime. There will be plenty of chances to find a rebound or two and boost your confidence. I think a summer fling is just what you need,” she said.
If only it could be with her…
—
The summer started to crawl after Anissa’s departure. When Alex wasn’t working, he was moping around the house. Every now and then Morgan could convince him to toss the baseball around, or get bested in video games, but for the most part he just stayed in his room.
She missed her brother. She had just gotten him back, and now he was a shell. She offered to talk about it, but he always shut her down. It was like he didn’t want to move on, or perhaps he was a bit more broken than Morgan had assumed.
One night they were sitting on the couch playing video games. They were racing against each other, and in typical fashion Morgan jostled her brother to get him to lose focus. She was never a match for him physically, and he always bested her in this game. She playfully nudged him with her shoulder, and he didn’t react. Then she used her feet to try to free the controller from his hands, and she succeeded.
That move never worked. He would always tickle her feet or shove her back (not that she always looked forward to and clocked every touch, or anything).
“That’s it, enough,” she said, pausing the game.
“What?” he said blandly.
“I know your heart is broken, but it’s time to get over it. I don’t want to live in a world where I can physically overpower you- it’s boring,” she said definitely.
“Sorry, Morgan- I know my head just isn’t in it,” he said sincerely.
“It’s not your head, Alex, it’s your heart,” she said, compassion edging into her voice. “You need a change of scenery, and I know exactly what to do. We’re going to the cottage- bro…sibling’s weekend. No parents, just lake and bonfires and yard games,” she said, a plan already starting to form.
She should have thought of this plan sooner. The cottage is where both of them are happiest. All of her favourite memories with her brother- and her favourite photos, she thought with a blush- were from their family cottage. It felt like it was on another planet entirely- one without work, or school, or stress- or ex girlfriends.
Alex sighed. “I have to work,” he lamented.
“Joke’s on you big brother- it’s the long weekend, and Mom and Dad are going to that wedding. It’s just you and me, and we’re leaving in the morning.”
With that, Morgan bounced off the couch, taking her brother by the hand and dragging him with her. Her heart fluttered when his hand grabbed hers, and even more so when his frame eclipsed hers as he stood.
“Fine, you win. Sibling’s weekend at the cottage it is.”
Alex
As he started to pack his duffel bag, he began to feel lighter. Morgan was right- a change of scenery was probably due. The cottage had always been their favourite place, and though he was now going with his sister instead of his brother, he knew that he would leave feeling more whole.
As he threw his swim trunks into the bag, he vaguely wondered if Morgan would be wearing a bikini. He acquainted the stirring in his stomach with apprehension, not desire.
Not that he was apprehensive of her wearing a bikini- he had fully accepted his sister’s transition, and was genuinely proud of her. He just recognized that the dynamic might be different. The play wrestling they often did in the water felt a whole lot different when his hand could graze a breast. Morgan definitely had them now, however small.
Not that he’d been looking.
—
The next day they were up at dawn and on their way to the cottage. He was driving, windows down and music blaring, with Morgan singing along in the passenger’s seat. She was wearing a bright yellow sundress, with the strings of her bikini peeking out.
Guess his question from last night now had an answer.
He couldn’t help but smile, which was a feeling he hadn’t had in weeks. Morgan looked so carefree- radiant, really, and he found that her excitement was contagious. It was so great to see her truly happy and at ease. She had always been that way around him, but with the sun on her long hair and the hint of gloss on her lips as she sang, he felt like he was truly seeing her.
They got to the cottage, flinging their bags on their beds. They had always shared a room, and even when they were at the cottage alone they stayed in their usual twin beds.
“Last one in the lake cooks dinner,” Alex shouted.
Morgan flung her dress over her head and tossed it at his face.
She was already halfway to the dock by the time he stopped breathing in her sweet perfume.
“Party foul!” he exclaimed as he caught up with her. She was already in the water.
“The cottage has no rules, you know that,” she chided.
“You’re right- the cottage has no rules,” he repeated as he cannon balled right beside her.
Morgan
Her brother could create a tidal wave with a single cannon ball. She came up sputtering, hearing his laughter as he grabbed onto her.
“Easy there, sis- have you forgotten how to swim now that you have boobs?” he joked.
She gave him a sideways glance, laughing as she got her bearings. “I can swim just fine, thank you very much,” she said. “Boobs float!”
They both laughed, ignoring the tension between them as he let go of her.
They swam all afternoon, taking kayaks out to their favourite island. They laughed and chatted, and minute by minute Morgan could see her brother resurfacing. By the time they made it back for dinner, he was back to his old self.
“Looks like you’re making dinner,” she said sweetly, drying her hair with a towel- dripping wet hair was one of the many things in her new body that she was still getting used to.
She busied herself getting them drinks, if only to distract herself from looking at his abs. It had been a minute since she’d seen her brother shirtless and sunkissed (other than in her favourite photo), and it was making her mouth inappropriately water. All day she had found herself losing track of sentences as she fantasized about being in his strong arms, kissing his lips, and wrapping her legs around his hard core.
You’d think a jump in the lake would’ve cooled her off, but it’d had the exact opposite effect.
They chatted easily through dinner, though Morgan had to strategically place a towel on her lap after watching her brother at the grill. The golden hour sun was streaking his blonde hair in real time, and she couldn’t look away. When she felt a telltale stirring between her legs, she was quick to cover herself.
Alex was visibly more relaxed than he had been, and his old self was shining through the gloom. He was playful with her, teasing and joking all day long. Every now and then when he thought she wasn’t looking he would appear a bit wistful, but his attention quickly sprung back to her with a splash of the water.
They threw their dishes in the sink. “The cottage has no rules!” they both said in unison as they decided not to wash them until morning. They high fived as they each grabbed an armload of firewood.
“I’m really glad we did this,” she said as they sat around the fireplace watching the sun set.
“Me too- thank you,” he said, looking into her eyes. She ignored the way his gaze made her heart leap.
“It had to be done,” she said lightly, “you were totally unfit to be around.”
“I know, I’m sorry I’ve been such a drag. I don’t think I realized how in love with her I was, and how much my self esteem and self image was wrapped in her,” he admitted earnestly. “I’m really happy for Anissa- I am glad that she told me, and that she is starting to explore that side of herself. I just feel awful about those few times we had sex- I know she was just doing it to please me, and I know she couldn’t have enjoyed it. If I’m being honest, it has really shaken my confidence,” he said quietly.
Morgan’s heart ached at his vulnerability. “It isn’t your fault,” she said gently, “you couldn’t have known.”
“I know. I know that. But sometimes it just feels like if I had been better- smarter, a better kisser, better in bed- that she wouldn’t have dumped me,” he said.
Morgan resisted the urge to laugh. “You know that’s not how it works, right?” she said. “You know that sexuality isn’t a choice? You could have been the best kisser with the biggest cock in the world, and she still wouldn’t have been turned on by you,” Morgan said directly.
Her brother’s face fell. He looked like he was going to cry.
“It isn’t you,” Morgan said more gently, “it’s her. I have a bit of a unique understanding of this situation, considering I like kissing boys instead of girls,” Morgan admitted.
Alex looked up, his eyes curious.”Really? What about that girl on the playground, or…well, I guess that’s the only kiss of yours I know of. When did you start kissing boys?” he asked.
“After I transitioned. I have always been more drawn to boys, since I can remember,” Morgan explained. “That playground kiss was just an experiment. I felt nothing, unlike when I kiss a boy, where I feel…lots of things,” she said. She was grateful it was dark out, and the fire didn’t reveal the blush in her cheeks.
“So when have you been kissing boys?” her brother said. It was clear that he wanted to change the subject, so Morgan told him about the senior in the gym.
“That’s total bullshit,” Alex said heatedly. “You deserve far better than to be kept a secret. What a coward! You should absolutely be with someone who is proud to be with you, and who wants you- all of you,” her brother said.
“I agree. Now repeat that back to yourself,” Morgan said wisely. In truth she was so grateful for his defensiveness of her, and she was more than a little bit turned on at his display of passion. His face was obscured by the fire, but she could see the flex of his jaw and fists just fine.
“Damn, you win that round,” he breathed. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a swig of his drink. “How do you do that? You get in my head without even trying, and lead me exactly where I need to go.”
“I’m part of you- just like you’re part of me,” Morgan said simply. “You deserve to be loved, just like I do- both of us by someone who sees us, and cherishes all that we are.”
“Cheers to that,” Alex said, reaching across with his drink. They held eye contact as they sipped, but each of their attention was on the other’s lips.
—
The mosquitoes soon drove them inside to the couches. Alex chose some music while Morgan refilled their drinks. They settled on the couch beside each other, continuing their conversation.
Alex put his feet on the coffee table. “The cottage has no rules,” he said, winking at Morgan. “How did you know? You know, that you like boys?”
“I don’t know, other than I just knew. I have always loved spending time with girls, but I never felt…you know, a pull. I think I liked spending time with girls because I felt like i was one of them- I have never felt like one of the boys, other than when I’m with you,” Morgan explained.
“That makes sense,” Alex said slowly, mulling her perspective over. “I have been so obsessed with Anissa, I don’t think that I have even considered what I actually want. I was just so happy to be with her- so enamoured with her- that I don’t think I even realized that she didn’t really want me. I always made excuses- she’s busy with school, tired, stressed- and then I worried that maybe I just wasn’t a good enough kisser. Now I don’t know- I get what you’re saying- it isn’t a choice for her to like girls- but where does that leave me? I’m left with this huge complex- am I a good kisser? A good lover? Or am I doomed to turn every girlfriend I ever have gay?”
Morgan laughed, in spite of his seriousness. “You can’t turn someone gay, you idiot. If you were the worst kisser ever, you still couldn’t turn someone gay. Get a grip,” she said, punching his arm.
“Yah, yah, okay- I know. I guess I just have to get my confidence back. It’s going to be hard to trust someone again,” he admitted. “I’m so in my head about everything- even if I was a good kisser before her, I’ll be so nervous that I’m sure I’ll suck now.”
He looked so vulnerable, and totally defeated. Morgan moved closer to him on the couch, so that their thighs were touching. She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight. “You will find someone to trust, even if it takes a while,” she said gently. He put his head on her chest, taking comfort in her reassurance. “You are very worthy of love, and as I’ve said before, I am sure that you are an excellent kisser.”
“Thanks, sis. So are you- worthy of love, I mean,” he said quietly. They stayed together on the couch, thigh to thigh, locked in an embrace.
Morgan could feel her clit tingle. She focused all of her energy on ignoring it. She tried to ignore the heat of his skin, the steady hum of his breath, the way his hands felt on the bare skin that was showing as her shirt rode up.
It was much harder to ignore when he kissed her.
